ATZILUTH, MY BELOVED HOME
ATZILUTH, MY RESTING PLACE
ATZILUTH, MY FINAL DESTINATION

The Beloved is a war-torn veteran, who is looking for a new peaceful life far from the battlefield. The war has torn him so much that he became loner, rather paranoid and develops a rare obsession about data…an effect called Combat Fatigue. He try so hard to cure this with a little effect because…..sadly….the war always looking for him

The Beloved is a pacifist; always try to avoid conflict with anyone or anything. If everything can be solved with a diplomatic way, he prefers to do it rather than an open frontal way. He always tried to maintain balance & his neutrality. However, this doesn’t mean he can’t fight…he just don’t want to. The Beloved can be your most truthful friend who will die for you & your cause and The Beloved can be your worst enemy who will make sure you suffer & die smoothly.

Some says The Beloved were frightening. This is due his nature as a shell for something he doesn’t want to reveal. He always says that his purpose of life is to seal something, and he is quite ready to be called back (that how he described death). He also says that he just waiting his visa to be signed.

The Beloved was a family man. He will protect and care his beloved one to the death even beyond it because, for him that is what remains from his belonging. He says we can buy house, we can acquired wealth, we can takeover a nation, but a good happy family is a gift from God and to maintain it is one hell of a job.

The Beloved now were looking for someone who will succeed him.He just wants to pass his knowledge.He himself feel that he is growing too old and need to settle down continuing life as it is.His days are now counted although he never knows when it ends.

The Beloved was a commando unit,able to work alone on any multiple tasks without the help of others.The world has taught him to grow up like that, to trust no one,to be always perfectionist,to set a high standard in everything,and to maintain “I can do it by myself” kind of attitude.Sadly,all of his ability comes with a terrible price, his lack of social and interpersonal skill.He like to be alone and stay in the shadow,watching people passing by.He keep his grief, pain and suffering to himself Nobody know what happened to him until suddenly they see him lying on a hospital bed, with a bloody arms and said “I’m okay,never been to better than this” or until suddenly he collapse in a bench with a pain in his face but he keep smiling & said “don’t worry,just an error in my system,it’ll better soon”.

The Beloved lack of social and interpersonal skill cost him greatly in many social situations.That’s why he spend most of his time alone in a solitary place.He decided to be alone not because he hate people,but because he not used to people or to life inside a group.He always had been an outsider for most of his life until now.He live alone and he die alone.People for him is a new experience.

The Beloved's wars were far from over although most of the people said that the war for his generation is already over.He himself was also tired from this war but sadly,he can’t quit now because he still has mission to do as a sweeper for his generation.And he just want to atone from his past sin,that maybe there is a salvation out there for his soul
   

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Toward so many door, we find our way, our self, our home........toward so many thing we find our place, our way here in the world




Life is just a way, a way toward some place, toward some time, toward some mission........and finally toward our home




Toward the path, we faces what we have to face.........we can't run away from it, we can't hide from it.........when the time comes





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    Thursday, October 27, 2005
    some funny thing i found about fasted

    There is something that makes me laugh, cry, and also confuse on the same time this morning, something truly amazing that maybe I will remember for most of my days to comes.

    I was sitting in front of my computer, playing (of course)……I happen to play Simcity 4 when suddenly I heard noise coming from the front of my house. That noise was a call from the mosque near my house, and its break the silence with it’s awfully distortion coming from a bad speaker…… Usually I ignored them, and let them mingle with their own business……but this time; there is something different about it. Something truly deserves some attention.

    The people on the mosque keep calling people (with its badly damage and hampered speaker) to prepare sahur meal (sahur is the event everyday to prepare and eat the meal before you go to begin your fast). It keep calling people, over and over again…..reminding them to remember sahur, remember that this is Ramadhan Month, a holy month, a month full of grace that your sin will be cut in a half if you do good, etc, etc, etc

    Then some questions arise in my mind;

    First, why they called that this Ramadhan is a holy month? Are other month are not holy? Why this month is holy? What make this month holy? Are this month is God? Because all I know only God deserve the title holy or sacred……….

    Second, they keep calling that because this is a holy month, a month full of grace that your sin will be cut in a half if you do good……so why I have to follow the religion law and do good for the whole years if I only get my sin cut and forgiven only in this month?… better do good ONLY and ONLY in this month, because all my sin a whole years will be wipe out in this month……………so why don’t we kill people, stab them in their back, destroy some nation, rape some women, etc, etc, etc for a whole years do bad thing……..and by only give our zakat, do good, and fasted IN THIS MONTH,…….hola!!!! We got all our sin a whole years vanishes and forgiven……is that nice? 11 month we doing sin all the way, and this Ramadhan Month, we were forgiven because we do good, fasted, and give our zakat……….that’s not nice, that’s WONDERFULL!!!!!!! REALLY REALLY WONDERFULL!!!!!

    Third, they keep calling people, women, man, student, father, mother, etc, etc, etc to prepare the sahur meal, sahur, keep remembering them this is a fast month…….then I remember that some Kyai, Ustadz, and other powerful religion figure (kyai and ustadz were a religion teacher) always praised Indonesia as the biggest Islamic dominated majority nation, and also the most steadfast to with its faith regarding Islam and its ritual…….so if they were so steadfast with it, why they have to be awakened up? Why they have to be remembered that this month is a fast month? Why? They were a steadfast Moslem…….they supposedly already know that this is a holy month of Ramadhan, they don’t need to be awakened or remembered because they supposedly already know their duty in Ramadhan month…….only a child, a not steadfast people need to be remembered every days about their duty………………so are the Indonesian were a child? Or is because they were sooooooooooooooooooooo steadfast they forgot that this is a Ramadhan month and forgot their duty? Or maybe Indonesian not know why they have to fast So here come some conclusion of it……………..If Indonesian as the acclaimed most steadfast and religious people have to be awakened from their sleep to begin their daily fast ritual, then how about the other people that not as steadfast as Indonesian is?

    Observer out (still with question in his mind of course)

    Posted at 10/27/2005 2:17:11 am by The Beloved Lucifiel

    fERDI:) aka. Lemi4
    October 31, 2005   02:05 AM PST
     
    (since you asked...)

    I'm not that up-to-date with Muslim Theology, but my understanding is that the Pahala system is not as simple as purging all our mistakes during Ramadan (somebody correct me if I'm wrong). BUT... there are actually some members of Indonesian society who actually believe that. Just as there are people who believe that going to the little confessional booth clears up all the beef that one's God may have with oneself. But we're not here to answer these questions (not unless you're a social anthropologist, that is :p)

    People love wearing masks. Wether or not they have anything to hide. But then again we already know all that.

    Observation is good. Data gathering is good. But what is more important is the proper handling and usage of data. It would not be wise to expend energy on futile efforts, when energy in combination (read: in cooperation _with_others_) could achieve more...

    Humans are humans. We are not perfect. But if we wanna be better persons we can; _if_ we want it bad enough. And IMHO its much harder without God on your side (and to those who disagree, read the beginning of my sentence: In My Honest Opinion!). Friends are usefull, too.
     

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